2. "Kaori, I'm coming in."
3. "Shizuku!"
4. "Sorry, was just spacing out."
5. "Kaori?"
6. "Everything alright?"
Memuatkan…Memuatkan…
1. "Yep! Slept in my own bed for the first time in forever."
2. "With Shio!"
3. "Did you go back home last night?"
4. Could've been me...
5. "Oh, that sounds tiring."
6. "Ah!"
7. "Don't worry, it's not like going out made it worse or anything."
8. "Ugh, it's been nonstop tests since I got back this morning."
9. ...Wish things didn't have to be so complicated, though.
10. "..."
11. "I mean, all I did was go out with friends and spend a night at home."
12. "But the next day, I'm back here, having tests done all day..."
13. "The hospital might as well be home at this point."
14. "Oh!"
15. "You wanted to talk about something important, didn't you?"
16. "...Yeah."
1. "To be honest, I'm kind of stuck."
2. "I, um... didn't bring any more of the novel today either."
3. "So I wanted to get your opinion."
4. "Huh...?"
5. "Also..."
6. "Yeah."
7. "It's our novel, isn't it?"
8. "My opinion?"
1. "I think I'm ready to talk about why I reacted like that."
2. "You know how web novels came up the other day?"
3. "...As long as you're willing to listen."
4. "It has to do with what I'm writing now too, so I wanted to tell you."
5. "It's not a very fun topic, but..."
6. "Thanks..."
7. "I want to know more about you."
8. "Of course."
1. It was year 5 of elementary school.
2. And the other kids started to shun me.
3. Word of what happened between me and ruri-chan had spread.
4. They acted as if I wasn't there at all.
5. During breaks, and even during class too...
6. That's who I'd become to them.
7. "The bully."
1. And that's how I spent the rest of elementary school.
2. I just accepted it.
3. It never became an issue though.
4. It was my own fault, after all.
5. And I got what I deserved.
6. I was the bad guy.
7. I was a bully.
1. So naturally, they acted the same.
2. A lot of people came from the same elementary school.
3. Junior high wasn't much different.
4. Or worse, I could end up hurting them myself.
5. Associating with me would only hurt their reputation.
6. And even those who didn't know me...
7. Well, I started avoiding them pre-emptively.
8. So... I hid in my room.
9. But I couldn't tell my family.
10. Like my entire existence needed to be apologized for.
11. I just felt so miserable.
12. Might as well just... Disappear.
13. But then, what was the point of living at all?
14. Alone was the only way I could live.
1. Where I could forget my loneliness.
2. Books took me to a world where I couldn't hurt anyone.
3. That's when I found my savior... Books.
4. That's probably why I was drawn to dark and sad stories.
5. Books let me be happy, but that also made me feel guilty.
6. They showed me that there were worlds beyond my shell.
7. Books accepted me for the loner I was.
14. That's when I found web novels.
15. One night at home, I'd finished a book from the school library.
16. I wanted something else to read, so I looked online.
1. Anyone could write what they want.
2. And no one would know me.
3. Read what they want.
4. It was like finding my very own secret hideout.
5. I thought... I hoped...
6. That maybe, if I got all these feelings out in writing...
7. I'd feel just a little better.
12. Maybe I should write one too.
13. It was tempting.
14. As I read more novels on the site...
15. An idea got into my head.
1. The end product resembled a novel in form.
2. I would just hurl my feelings at a piece of loose leaf.
3. It started out during self-study time.
4. But really, it was just a way for me to vent.
5. "Even I can write, and it feels... good."
6. "I did it..."
8. I typed up my word vomit.
10. I got too excited.
11. And posted it.
1. ""Girls' Lovers Suicide.""
2. "That was the novel you read that day."
3. "I'd been submitting it to the site."
5. Some of them would even leave nice comments.
10. And, as trash as it was, over time I got more readers.
11. It was only a little at a time.
12. Still, it helped me feel better. Instead of telling anyone how I felt...
17. I could have my character talk for me.
19. "It made me... happy."
2. I could belong.
4. In this world...
5. Or at least, that's what I thought.
6. I could connect with people.
9. But after I started uploading more regularly...
14. The comments changed to criticism.
20. At first, I didn't understand what was going on.
1. A high schooler had committed suicide a few years ago, and my story read just like hers.
2. I later found out from a comment.
3. "And it spread from there."
4. "Someone on social media claimed I was mocking the girl's family."
5. "I never watch TV so I didn't know, but it got a lot of coverage apparently."
7. Speculate about which parts were based on what.
9. They would find every minute detail that sounded remotely similar.
10. Of course, that's not what I meant at all.
11. It spiraled out of control.
14. So I didn't know what to do with the flood of hate comments.
1. I got scared.
2. Or connect with anyone...
3. I was wrong to think I could ever belong anywhere...
4. Maybe I was in the wrong after all.
5. In the end, I hadn't changed.
6. Not one bit.
1. this brought back trauma
2. No matter where I go, or what I do...
3. All I can do is hurt people.
4. Someone always gets hurt because of me.
6. Everyone would be better off if I just disappeared.
1. I picked one where as few people as possible would know me.
2. After a few months of that, it was time to start high school.
3. I was too much of a coward to do it, though. And of course I couldn't tell my family anything.
4. Scared of being hurt.
5. Scared of hurting others.
6. I was just scared.
7. Not because I wanted to turn over a new leaf or anything.
8. I'd completely lost sight of how to interact with people.
1. I decided I'd finally do it after taking care of things.
2. I decided to throw it away at school so no one would find it.
3. And as for the physical draft...
5. For me, that meant finishing my novel.
7. That was my plan, anyway.
8. Once that was gone...
9. I would be gone too.
10. I wrote an ending and posted it, just for a brief moment.
1. That's when you appeared...
2. And picked up the pieces of my draft.
3. "I guess I just felt guilty, like I was hiding all these terrible things I'd done online."
4. "I've never told anyone before."
5. "Well, that, um... turned into a long story."
1. "But now that I've gotten it all out, maybe it wasn't such a big deal after all..."
2. "I'm just glad..."
3. "To know more about that novel..."
4. "And to know more about you."
5. "Ah, s-sorry. I did say it wouldn't be a very fun topic..."
6. "No, I..."
1. "But..."
2. "It must've been painful to remember all that."
3. "Sorry..."
4. "No, it's okay."
5. "I'm the one who wanted to talk about it."
1. "Your words have power, and they can save people."
2. "Remember this, Shizuku."
3. "I'm the proof of that."
4. "Even if it seems like the whole world is against you..."
5. "I'll always love your writing."
6. "And I'll always be on your side."
7. "...I won't forget."
1. "Aw, look at you, tearing up."
2. "You're one to talk."
3. "Thanks, Kaori."
4. And that means finishing our novel.
5. Because right now, that's the most I can do for her.
6. I need to repay her somehow.
7. Kaori always accepts me, validates me for who I am.
1. "How you wanted my opinion on something?"
2. "Yeah."
3. "So..."
4. "What I was talking about earlier, with the novel..."
5. calm...
6. "Huh?"
7. "What do you mean?"
8. "The thing is..."
9. "I can't write you."
10. "I can't write a Kaori who's just having fun on summer break."
11. "Sorry..."
12. "It's just... seeing you here in the hospital like this..."
13. "No matter how hard I try, it ends up sounding so fake."
1. "So, I had no idea how to end it or anything."
2. "And it was just me vomiting words to make myself feel better."
3. "I mean, I've only written one novel before..."
4. "I'm glad you're asking me."
5. "No, don't apologize."
6. "Sorry, I know you probably don't know either..."
7. "I see..."
8. "And now, I'm having trouble figuring out what a happy ending for us would look like..."
9. "It just doesn't sound like us, you know?"
10. "That would be nice, but..."
11. "An ending where we leave the hospital forever and live happily ever after..."
12. "I see what you mean, though."
1. "So what ending would fit us...?"
2. "Well..."
3. "And what's that?"
4. "Oh, there is one thing I'm expecting to see, though."
1. "Like, "Girls' Lovers Suicide" had a sad ending..."
2. "When all's said and done..."
3. "I don't want either of us to have any regrets."
4. "But they were both... content, you know?"
5. "Content..."
6. "But I know we'll find an ending we won't regret."
7. "Our ending will be different, of course, since it's a different story."
8. "And that's what I want for us too."
1. That's it...
2. "However the ending actually turns out, as long as both characters are content, I'll be content too."
3. "That's how the crazy fantasies in my head go, anyway."
4. Not everything needs to be happy.
5. All that matters is that they're both content.
6. "No matter how it happens, it'll be the best ending I could ask for."
7. "If, once this is over, we're able to move forward into the future without regrets..."
8. "That was the end of first term, wasn't it? And then summer break started, with us being a couple and everything..."
9. "A lot's happened since your novel brought us together."
1. "And be glad that we met. That's my hope."
2. "We'll look back fondly on the days we spent together..."
3. "Even if we go our separate ways..."
4. "And as long as that happens,"
5. "It won't matter if we can't be together anymore."
6. "Because we'll always have the happy story that we wrote together."
7. And giving it back, in words.
8. It's about taking all that I've received from her...
9. Just because the story is for kaori, doesn't mean it needs to be a fantasy world where she's perfectly happy.
10. I've been thinking about it all wrong.
1. "Really? Oh, good."
2. "I think I know what to do now."
3. "...Thanks, Kaori."
4. "So I'll have an ending to read, then?"
5. "Yeah."
6. "I'll make sure of it."
7. I don't know how much time we have left, but it can't be long.
1. No holding back now.
2. Everything goes on this paper.
3. For her,
4. I'll pour my heart out.
2. "Thank You!!"
3. I am very happy to receive this award...! Thank you for your support!!
4. Thanks to everyone's support, Kimi to Tsuzuru Utakata has won the Global Special Award in the NEXT MANGA AWARDS 2023! Here's the thank you illustration from Yuama-sensei. I hope everyone will continue to support this series and Yuama-sensei until the end!