1. "Quit it."
2. "Hold still."
3. "I'll get it."
4. "Uh huh. You gonna find it by touch?"
5. "You're going to find it by touch. There is a giant mirror right next to you."
6. "I'm a tactile thinker."
7. "Then, fyi, that blonde hair dye you've been using for years is actually blue."
8. "Don't knock it till you try it, ice empress. A little blue might really work for your aristocratic image."
9. Thinner than her. I'll always be thinner than her, now. It's all right. It's all right.
10. "You don't like the color of money?"
11. "Given how much time you probably spent finger-painting, I refuse to believe you don't know that yellow and blue make green. Your dye plus my hair equals a joker perm."
12. "Why not dye it, penny? I mean, you're already dressing as her fangirl, pretty much."
Memuatkan…Memuatkan…
1. "Michelle... Surely you are not questioning my taste. We've meant so much to one another."
2. "Who taught you about gladiator sandals when they came in? The art of the little black dress?"
3. "Who warned you just last week that the seventies were bearing down on the fashion scene like a g6?"
4. "And I see you've taken my advice to heart... And to good effect, mostly. The student may have learned, but the master remains the master."
5. "Yeah, I have learned. Well enough to do some critiquahs of my own."
6. "It's pronounced "Critiques," dear."
7. "The hardest thing to see clearly is yourself. You know how well I know that."
8. "I mean yeah, in most of your outfits, you still seem to watch the trends, but I look at this blouse, and all I think is..."
9. ""(Wh)y?""
Memuatkan…Memuatkan…
1. "Fair enough. I do watch trends. But I also watch friends."
2. "Eye roll"
3. "Monica and phoebe never wore that. Are you thinking jetsons?"
4. "This looks aligned. We can probably check in with katy-ann's other teams now."
5. "You remember in the early stages of your recovery, how I would ask what you were wearing that day, so I could wear stuff that matched you?"
6. "...oh! Yeah..."
7. Despite my best efforts, aggie has worn the same outfit every week for two years now.
8. "Not the exact same! I just have a lot of similar ones."
9. "It's so cute that you think that makes a difference."
10. "Oh, you're saying you're wearing a pity blouse?"
11. "I could live with that."
12. "Because that doesn't count as actual charity."
13. "I am too noble for this world."
14. The wind is high today.
1. "Okay, guys. The name of this game is "Switch.""
2. "In the next ten minutes, you are going to switch your sexual preference, and pick someone you now crush on. Doesn't have to be someone in the room, just... Someone."
3. "Hey, hey! What if you're someone who doesn't know whether you're bisexual, like oh..."
4. "Hmmm... Must... Think... Of... An... Example..."
5. "Stan?"
6. "That's... That's not funny..."
7. "If you're really not committed to a gender, lisa, you can represent in both. And since you're likely to upstage anyone who goes ahead of, or after, you, I think you should go first."
8. "Great, twice the performance anxiety! But I appreciate the confidence you're--"
9. "Archie andrews."
1. "I assume this is a twofer?"
3. Fred has always been there for me. Always always.
4. "When my mom got divorced, and remarried someone so different... When I didn't know what I was... When I wasn't as good a person as I wanted to be..."
5. Oh, geez, fred, lighten this up before I start crying...
6. "Yeah, we probably would have gotten together already if not for, you know. The names. "Fred and daphne." I'm thinking it'd be okay if she changed hers to "Ginger.""
7. "But then you'd have to be "Sporty.""
8. "And lisa'd be "Scary.""
9. "Yeahoo! I'm in this skit! Technically not upstaged!"
10. "Meghan mccain for me."
11. "Penny?"
12. "O I c wut u did thar."
13. "But you ain't gonna slip a republican(!!!) answer past us, just because we're distracted by f&d's quasi-bromance."
15. "We need context! We need the why!"
1. "Are you... Jealous?"
2. "...no!..."
3. "Meghan is the republican for people who ha-- strongly dislike republicans."
4. "Some things she says irritate me, but she's real, you know? She loves her dad, but she's not afraid to break with him. Plus, you know, the boobs."
5. "We'd have a fun time redefining the word "Bipartisan.""
6. "Interesting."
7. "I guess I'd like someone unafraid to argue with someone she loves, too. Someone who could challenge me."
8. "Because looking as awesome as I do, you attract a lot of suck-ups, and that gets boring fast."
9. "Hey, no offense taken."
10. "Someone with a different background, different values... And just a bit of a temper, to help keep that spark going..."
11. O
12. M
13. G
14. She is
15. Actually
16. Going to--
1. "I... I can't think of an example, right now."
2. "Someone'll come to me."
3. "Hey, you're someone! Y'guys're made for each other! Penny's another blonde republican with typos in her twitter! She's like meghan mccain, only ten years hotter!"
4. "Go claim your prize! Kissy kissy!"
5. "Uh, that was such a moving answer, I'd like to change my answer to "Aggie.""
6. "I am also in love with aggie. So she really shouldn't do anything with penny now if she doesn't want to hurt our feelings."
7. "I was in love with her before you were."
8. "Well, I guess it's just you and me, now, man. Though I think a fist-bump'll be plenty."
9. "Go fist-bump yourself. I'm dating oscar wilde."
1. "Thank god we finally got an excuse to boot bob out of these parties."
2. "How did he even get on the list, anyway?"
3. "He and elmer were jack's friends when they got on. But elmer just vanished, and jack doesn't want anything to do with bob now."
4. "Why... Bob doesn't have a friend in the world! We must rehabilitate him, redeem him!"
5. "You mock, but... You got his house's phone number on your sign-up sheet, right?"
6. "You're going to call him? Oh, my god, you're actually--"
7. "I'm just going to talk to him. Tomorrow."
8. "He's just going to think you're a sanctimonious bitch."
9. "Well, doesn't everyone?"
10. "No, we're all "Secretly in love with you" now, remember?"
11. "Oh, right."
1. "What if bob's another charlotte?"
2. "Charlotte wanted to be helped."
3. "You didn't know that, and neither did I. Duane's the one who took that leap of faith."
4. "You're an atheist."
5. "Agnostic."
6. "What does that even mean, an atheist who doesn't want to advertise it?"
7. "It means there's at least one thing I'm not a smug know-it-all about."
8. "Actually, you seem a lot quieter now. Maybe I'm comparing you to the company you keep."
9. "Ah, yeah... Lisa means well. She was trying to make that game less awkward. In her way."
10. "I wasn't trying to make it awkward. It's just, you know... Sometimes fun to pretend."
11. "Sure. Like acting, I guess. You give a voice to some part of you you wouldn't otherwise express."
12. "Exactly! Exactly."
13. "Like in macbeth, when I got to fight the government and you got to be drunk with power."
14. "Oh, wait--"
15. "You wanna... Pretend a little more for a minute?"
1. "Ah... "Hi, meghan... I... Really love your column... In the daily beast.""
2. "..."
3. "Okay, I don't actually know who meghan mccain is."
4. "You haven't thought this game out very well, have you?"
5. "As well as I can."
1. "Soap bubbles minimize their surface area. Join two of them together, and their surface becomes less than the sum of its parts."
2. "It's one of many cases in nature where one plus one equals something not quite two."
3. "You can add their volumns together with basic arithmetic... But even though they're translucent, we can only guess the number of air molecules inside them."
4. "Did I spill soda on you?"
5. "A little."
6. "G'night, pretend girlfriend. Maybe we'll do this again sometime."
7. "They are sealed packages, before and after they join together..."
8. "And contents may settle during shipping."
1. "It felt... Right."
2. "I didn't have time to think about it, really, but I didn't panic."
3. Not until later, anyway.
4. "It felt right."
5. "Unlike another kissyficatious situation we could mention."
6. "Unlike that, yes."
7. "So the data suggests that penny doesn't trip the same triggers as me. Now, obviously, I am way smexier than penny, and therefore more threatening..."
9. "You don't have to laugh quite that hard..."
11. "Okay, okay, srsly now..."
12. I begin to suspect you may find penny attractive. Maybe that's what makes it feel safe to kiss your mortal enemy.
13. ""Safe?" "Safe?""
I am terrified!
But you said you didn't panic, and with the... con-fuzzled Lisa is confuzzled.
I didn't panic then! But... what does that mean? Am I gay? Bi? Straight plus Penny?
Since those labels would only affect my ability to slurp people other than Penny, I don't think—
Or am I just responding to Penny because I respect him and she's apparently hot?
Soooo you are responding. Physically. Mostly with your hoo-hoo.
Free-floating desire can push down rational thought.
It's like my skin has been sleeping since Darren... since Marshall, really, and it's woken up starving. But I thought I wanted Darren too, and I barely remember him now.
Yeah, push it into the dirt... climb on top of it... wrestle it into slow, sweet sub-mission.
1. "Wow, I'm not dead after the "Submission" joke? You really are off-kilter today."
2. "Submission is a possibility."
3. "... I'm lettin' that pass without comment, because I'm a good person."
4. "If we... Pursued this, if we relation-shipped each other..."
5. Whether friends or enemies or frenemies, me and penny've always had this running contest of wills.
6. And I don't know anything, now.
7. Who am I, who is she, who are we, any of it! Which means she's... Scrambled my will power!
8. "The diabolical bitch!"
9. "And now that she's got the edge, I'm scared she'll start to make me over to her preferences... Or lose respect for me if she can't."
11. "Like you're a barbie?"
12. "I haven't always been penny's biggest fan... That would be daphne, obvsly... But c'mon..."
13. "It's what she did to karen."
14. "And to rich."