1. "...then maybe I'll think about it..."
2. "and what kinda people they have."
3. "Anyway, I should start by looking at prices and terms,"
4. "They're so cute and pretty and young... I mean, wow..."
7. "Eh... They're all so young."
8. "I wanna be spoiled by an older woman!!"
10. "Ahh!"
11. "There's someone older than me!"
12. Text: An unknown world
13. "So like 25 or 30k yen should be fine, right?"
16. "Hotels cost 3000 or so...?"
17. "So it costs around 20,000 yen..."
लोड हो रहा है…लोड हो रहा है…
1. "...I could actually do this, couldn't I...?"
2. "I'm actually going to... Seriously? Me? ...?"
3. "Eh..."
4. "Nah, I could go, but..."
5. "...Ahh."
6. In the end I took a few sleeping pills and dropped off.
7. "I could fix my bald spot..."
8. "...I wish,"
लोड हो रहा है…लोड हो रहा है…
1. The next day.
2. The world was so much wider.
3. A whole continent I'd never imagined I could set foot upon...
4. Last night, I'd built a bridge there.
5. And it suddenly felt easier to breathe.
6. I hadn't even made the reservation yet,
7. But I was so excited, I couldn't keep still.
1. I wasn't answering to 'The me trying to please my parents' any more, I'd started thinking and acting for myself.
2. "Yes!"
4. "Eh... Can we do this?!"
5. "Are we allowed to...?!"
7. Ever since I'd first laid eyes on their home-page... Nah, even just after I'd typed the words into the search bar...
8. I could never have imagined it would feel so fulfilling.
9. That while my world had expanded, my appearance and physique were the same as ever.
10. "!!"
11. Before long I realized,
12. I would have to make myself more presentable.
14. To set foot upon this new continent, and into this new world...
1. I also started working out again.
5. After a few years of neglecting to, I took care of the hair on my arms, legs, underarms, and smoothed out my crotch.
6. Otherwise I'd have been fine going without for around five days or so.
7. I started taking baths every day.
8. I stopped using socks and under-wear that were torn or full of holes.
11. I also began changing my clothes and under-wear every day.
12. And for the first time I realized that all of it takes time, effort and money.
13. "The courage to take a bath every day."
1. I thought of keeping myself presentable and healthy as a way of valuing and treasuring my life.
2. "Here!"
3. "Investing in myself"
4. But this was time, effort and money that was just for me.
5. The people around me started to look better, too.
6. "You've got a spring in your step!"
7. "You don't smell anymore."
8. When I started to care for myself on my own,
9. "Look after me~!!!"
10. "Please"
11. Overall relying on other people was pretty hard, and I just ended up becoming a burden to them.
12. But something I'd been completely unable to do up until now.
13. Looking after myself seemed more efficient in a bunch of different ways. It was better for me, better for the people around me...
1. The feelings I'd always denied myself, that desire and yearning for sexual contact...
2. Were all suddenly released in one great burst of emotion.
3. I wouldn't deny that part of myself anymore.
4. My head was always full of it, and I was a complete idiot for it, but...
6. I want to funnel it into working on manga.
7. Well, there's nowhere else for that energy to go...
8. I can handle the constant calls I'm usually so bad at dealing with.
9. "I'd like to get this message through, and..."
10. "Hello, thanks as always!"
11. When I'm working hard,
1. After over a year in the wilderness, I had a request for a draft I'd submitted.
2. "All right, go ahead and make a start on this."
3. "Also,"
6. My life kept proceeding along this suspiciously fortunate path, like those weird advertisements you see in the back of magazines.
7. Maybe that'd just cancel out all my motivation to keep going on or something...
8. Just by achieving something through my own effort and hard work,
9. My mind was all over the place, and I couldn't concentrate.
10. When I got down to work,
1. "......"
2. "...but what about my bald spot?"
3. "Ahh... I might as well just go..."
5. And I decided for the first time, to stop pulling out my hair.
6. Everything blocking my path had focused itself into this one bald spot standing before me.
7. Over time my motives had changed.
8. "If I could only stop letting it worry me..."
11. "If I could only fix my bald spot..."
12. But,
13. I wanted to go so badly, I couldn't bear it,
14. ...Hmm.
15. "I've got this bald spot here, don't let it bother you!"
16. I wonder how they'd react if I just told them about it as soon as we met?
1. Maybe they'd be fine with a little baldness.
2. But they must get customers with mental problems and stuff sometimes.
3. That's even worse than I'd thought...
4. Ahhh, aahhhh Fuck...
1. "But my bald spot..."
2. "It hurts."
3. "There's so much rolling around in my head, like I'm being pulled underwater by something heavy..."
4. "I don't even know how I'd go about fixing it..."
5. "Then I can concentrate on writing."
6. "Damn it, I'm just gonna make the reservation!"
7. "Uwahhhhhh..."
8. "Ahh but my bald spot..."
9. "Don't think anything, empty your mind..."
10. "But forget it..."
11. In the end, I made a reservation with them for one week's time.
12. "Waaaaah! I actually did it!"
1. "So 2.8mm, hmm..."
2. "0.4mm a day, over 7 days..."
3. I did some searches on how long it takes for hair to grow back.
4. "......"
5. "2.8mm..."
6. Well, it's no use spending all my time worrying about it.
7. "......"
8. Their home page changed, with the person I'd asked for updating that they were engaged on the date I'd asked for.
12. "Whoo-ooaaa..."
13. "Whoa."
14. They sent me a confirmation email straight away.
1. "I'll be saved..."
2. "Finally,"
3. "...Haah."
4. "I want her to hold me. And I don't want her to let go after just a few seconds..."
5. "Melt away all these long years of sadness..."
6. "I want them to comfort me..."
7. I just had this longing, that I hoped now I'd finally be able to bury...
8. I had no idea why I was hurting.
9. I really was sad and lonely back then.
11. I feel like the loneliness will never go away.
12. "I'm so sad..."
13. But unless I open my heart,
1. "Aa-hh!"
2. "This is the real me~."
3. "Even-ing~."
4. I figure anyone would recoil in hate and disgust if they were confronted with the real me.
5. In the first place, do people really open their hearts to each other?
6. But how do I open my heart to other people...?
7. "......"
8. "Eh,"
9. "Am I going to be ok...?"
10. "Ah, who cares. I'm looking forward to it...<3"
11. "...Hehh-eheh"
1. "Thank God."
2. "Just a dream..."
3. 3 days before we were due to meet.
4. I had a nightmare.
5. That I was sheltering a fugitive.
6. That I was being chased.
7. I dreamt I was hiding this corpse under the floorboards below my futon.
8. These are the kinds of dreams I had.
9. "She's just a friend... and she's taking a bath... Then she'll leave, all right? (?)"
10. That the woman I was going to meet had been dispatched to my house instead (even though she didn't have my address).
11. I thought to myself.
12. "Wahh..."
13. They were obviously caused by my guilt at hiding the fact I was going to see a prostitute,
1. "It's my life! I'm a grown-up!"
2. "Why do I have to feel guilty about doing this!!?"
3. "Ahhhhh...!"
7. I felt like as soon as I let my guard slip, the 'Me who's trying to please my parents' would jump in and tear the reigns back out of my hands.
8. Do I constantly have to keep protecting this from myself?
11. If I'm continually winning the right to do so over and over from my other self...?
12. "I've got to get it together..."
13. Am I really only going to be able to think and act in my own interests,